Fic: Disconnect

[arevhat]

Title: Disconnect
Word Count: 444
Rated: PG
Setting: DWTB
Characters: Aeryn Sun, Chiana
Summary: Under the seams runs the pain. - Anne Carson

Disclaimer: Farscape and its characters belong to The Jim Henson Company, and not to me.
Setting: DWTB.
Rating & Warnings: PG.
Thank You: Em, olegscape , and olegscape  for the feedback and much needed ego-boos.



DISCONNECT

Aeryn gathers Talyn’s remains and lays the fragile bones as close to his mother’s heart as she can, but the hangar bay can never be close enough, and Moya moans, hollow in her grief.

“I thought there’d be more,” Chiana says.

Pilot knows Chiana’s nested in the shadows, but Aeryn startles when she speaks. Aeryn sinks – to her knees, back on her heels, into anger – her mouth a thin red line. There should be more, but she searched the debris field for arns and arns and found only these small pieces of Talyn, and nothing of Crais.

“Chiana, come here,” Aeryn says. She softens when the girl hesitates; her hand flutters over her abdomen, settles on her thigh. “Tell me about Talyn. About his birth.”

Chiana clambers down from her perch and closes the space between them, tilts her head to the side. She says, “You know…you know how Moya sometimes smells like a – a coin on your tongue?”

Aeryn knits her brows, then nods.

“Talyn smelled sweet,” Chiana says. “Like syrup on a spoon.”

Aeryn straightens her shoulders, her braid tumbling down her back, and lets Chiana’s nostalgia wash against her.

“He was warm,” Chiana says. “I thought it was gonna be too hot, in the vent, but it wasn’t. He was warm and bright and he – he shone.” She scuffs the toe of her boot against the floor and laughs, sudden and sharp. “I was scared he was gonna die.”

Moya’s ache thrums behind Pilot’s eyes, and Aeryn says, “Tell me.”

“Frell,” Chiana says, “I was a wellnitz.” But she crouches, a gloved finger tracing circles and lines Aeryn can’t decipher in the dust, in Talyn. “Pilot forced an atmosphere so – so I could breathe, and I knew Moya could breathe atmosphere, but I wasn’t sure if the narl could, or if he had to learn; and when I couldn’t cut the seam I was scared he’d suffocate, because I didn’t know what the frell I was doing.”

Aeryn traces her own line in the dust, rubs it out. “Chiana…”

“Yeah?”

“D’Argo told me you’re going to look for the Nebari Resistance.” She holds herself as close as she can. “Ask Crichton to go with you.”

Chiana’s eyes open wide. “No.”

Aeryn hadn’t expected that, but then she hadn’t expected to return to Moya, to find Crichton sleeping alone. “No? You don’t want him to?”

“I want him to,” Chiana says, and she shakes her hair, her shoulders. “I don’t want to hear him tell me all the reasons he can’t.” She stands, steps back into shadow. “He’ll never, never walk away from you, Aeryn. He loves you.”

Aeryn says, “I know.”

Comments

[olegscape.livejournal.com]

I disagree that Aeryn would think that if MJonh had slept with Chi he isn’t a real John. “Her” John would’ve done the same thing had he been in that place, and this isn’t about who’s real, it’s about a situation a person finds himself in, and I believe she’d understand it.

As for John Crichton wouldn’t be that thoughtless… he would, if he continued to think the other was a copy and hadn’t any claim to his life. If he didn’t want to share Aeryn, and had no problem with it, why would he want to share Earth? ;)

[nebari-rebel.livejournal.com]

We as objective viewers know there is no difference between the Johns, they're both "real" and both would have chosen the same, but Aeryn doesn't - not during DWTB anyway. Otherwise instead of the tortured end of season eps, hangar scene, and her leaving, she would have just been like "Hey baby, glad to see you again, where did we leave off?" To her, at this point, there was a separation and one she wanted to maintain at all costs, even if she knew - especially since she did know deep down - that there wasn't. MJ couldn't be her John because it would be too much for her to mentally cope with.

I think you're sticking on "the real John wouldn't sleep with Chi" but I don't think that's what Zardi meant :)

[olegscape.livejournal.com]

I’m not sticking on that. I don’t think she wouldn’t see him as a copy. I think the wreck of DWTB had to do with Aeryn opening up to one John and loosing him, and having another, “stranger” John to whom she didn’t open up and about whom she tried not to think about all that time. Under this circumstances a “Hey baby” would’ve been impossible. She would indeed try to distance herself from him, and she would use any reason, including “he’s a copy”. But I just don’t believe Aeryn would think “He’s a copy because he slept with Chi”, which is what Zardi meant she would think :)

[zardi.livejournal.com]

"But I just don’t believe Aeryn would think “He’s a copy because he slept with Chi”, which is what Zardi meant she would think :)"

Not so much "He's a copy because he slept with Chi," but more like "He's not the same John I had on Talyn, not my John, because he is happy with Chiana now, so returning is less confusing for me than it might have been."

IMPORTANT QUALIFIER: I'm viewing this potential John/Chi thing as more of rebound relationship for both, rather than just sex, (possibly NOT what Aeryn in the fic intended) and I think it makes a big difference what type of "thing" John and Chiana had going. If they had been simply "friends with benefits," but John had gone back to pining for Aeryn after her return, then I don't think that would have changed much. Aeryn would still have looked at him, seen the John Crichton she loved, and would have had to run away to deal with her confusion and pain.

"I think the wreck of DWTB had to do with Aeryn opening up to one John and loosing him, and having another, “stranger” John to whom she didn’t open up and about whom she tried not to think about all that time."

Eh...I disagree that either John was a "stranger" anymore by season 3. They'd already declared their love for each other and shared quite a bit over the years before John was twinned. The extra step that Aeryn took with TJohn was the risk of starting an official relationship despite her fear that it would put someone in danger. When her fear proved true (sort of, anyway), she decided to wall her heart off again like a good Peacekeeper (end of The Choice). I think her pain upon returning to Moya centered on seeing the John Crichton she loved again and finding that it was too hard to distance herself while he was right in front of her (in addition to the confusion of having another version of her dead lover still alive).

I do agree that Aeryn tried not to think about MJohn while on Talyn, though I see it as a defense mechanism to deal with the fact that there were two of the man she loved, and one was separated from her, rather than because one had become somewhat of a stranger.

[olegscape.livejournal.com]

Not so much "He's a copy because he slept with Chi," but more like "He's not the same John I had on Talyn, not my John, because he is happy with Chiana now, so returning is less confusing for me than it might have been."

Putting it like this works better for me then “confirmation of TJohn being the “real” John”. I can also see Aeryn seeing Mjohn getting together with Chi as something that would make her getting together with TJohn a less problematic situation. There would be “her” John and “Chi John”, but not “fake” John.

Eh...I disagree that either John was a "stranger" anymore by season 3. They'd already declared their love for each other and shared quite a bit over the years before John was twinned.

When I say “stranger”, I refer to what happened on Talyn. As MJohn well put it, “I missed that dance”. Mjohn didn’t take that step with her, he didn’t have that experience. In that particular aspect he was a stranger.

[zardi.livejournal.com]

"I can also see Aeryn seeing Mjohn getting together with Chi as something that would make her getting together with TJohn a less problematic situation. There would be “her” John and “Chi John”, but not “fake” John."

Yes, that's much more like what I was trying to say. Thank you for getting into my head for me ^_^


"When I say “stranger”, I refer to what happened on Talyn. As MJohn well put it, “I missed that dance”"

Ah, ok. I can agree with that. MJohn and Aeryn did have to start over somewhat in that respect.

[zardi.livejournal.com]

"As for John Crichton wouldn’t be that thoughtless… he would, if he continued to think the other was a copy and hadn’t any claim to his life. If he didn’t want to share Aeryn, and had no problem with it, why would he want to share Earth? ;)"

TJohn didn't express any qualms about being with Aeryn and abandoning MJohn because there wasn't time for them to dwell on it. They were horrendously busy from the time they left Moya to the time TJohn died. John is a logical guy, a scientist, and given the chance to really think about him and his twin, I think both Johns would have realized, at least intellectually, that they were both equal and original. Neither would have been able to abandon the other in the UT's. Their reunion would have been inevitable if TJohn had survived, because Moya and Talyn had every intention of reuniting, and I don't think Aeryn and John would have dreamed of keeping them apart. The Johns being together would have forced them to consider their "realness."

I don't think they would be able to share Aeryn, and probably both Johns being together would have destroyed J/A for good. But sharing Earth? Sure...Earth is a big place. I think even sharing John's family would have eventually been feasible, assuming the US government didn't immediately lock them both up in the loony bin.

[olegscape.livejournal.com]

TJohn didn't express any qualms about being with Aeryn and abandoning MJohn because there wasn't time for them to dwell on it. They were horrendously busy from the time they left Moya to the time TJohn died.

I disagree about them having no time to think about it. They had a quiet moments too, and it all was happening over a hefty period of time.

Both Johns knew that there was absolutely no way they could share Aeryn, and I believe this was the major reason why they were so determined to label the other as a copy. They had to think like that, because otherwise J/A would indeed be over for both of them. So when the J/A situation started to unravel on Talyn, I believe John did think of the other, but he went with it according to that reasoning. Getting together with Aeryn had solidified him seeing the other as a clone. It’s just difficult to picture him thinking of MJohn as a clone when it comes to Aeryn, and not thinking of him as a clone when it comes to Earth, he would have to be consistent. Would he be so cruel as to not let his clone visit Earth? I don’t think so, probably not.

[zardi.livejournal.com]

I disagree about them having no time to think about it. They had a quiet moments too, and it all was happening over a hefty period of time.

Does it? I guess I have the impression that it happened quickly (like, over a couple of weeks) because I saw all those episodes in one afternoon :D


Would he be so cruel as to not let his clone visit Earth? I don’t think so, probably not.

Yeah...in the end, I have to force myself to believe some good things about TJohn (like "he would never abandon MJohn in the UT's!"), otherwise not only would I dislike him, I wouldn't be able to tolerate his existence. And since he's such a big part of season 3, I can't let that happen :P

Plus, as you say, it would be cruel to prevent either John from visiting Earth, and John Crichton...despite his many faults...is not cruel. I could accept that TJohn would consider MJohn a clone with regards to Earth as well as to Aeryn, but I do think he would have brought him along on a visit anyway.